What's in a Name?

1.30.2009

determination and a lesson learned

My brother Billy has this plaque on his wall that says, "You miss 100% of the shots you never take." I like this. It certainly reflects the competitive spirit that I think he and I share. It's simple really; if you don't try something you will never succeed at it. For as much as teachers may have said that Billy lacked focus in school, his focus and determination when it came to team sports was unyielding. I think that his successes were pretty impressive as well, both then and now.

I myself am more of an individual sports person. I have played a number of team sports and see a lot of value in them. I probably would still play volleyball if I knew of a co-ed league that needed a setter. But triathlon has become my sport, and I am starting to think about races this summer after a couple years off (pregnancy and a new baby followed by a broken leg will do that to you). I was running pretty regularly before the holidays and was pleased with my 'post broken ankle' progress. Then I spent a month being sick and going to the gym was a rare occurrence for me. But I am feeling better and actually getting back into it. Or so I thought. Today I decided to run again. I did half an hour on the bike and thought I would just hop on the treadmill for a mile. Clearly the lung capacity required when running far exceeds that of cycling, because I felt like hell. Seriously. When I got to the point where my chest just hurt and I sounded like I was going to pass out, I decided I wasn't going to make the full mile running. When I told Andy about this he was really encouraging and didn't say, "Why are you running? You're recovering from pneumonia, moron!", which I am fairly certain he was thinking. I know I pushed it. I know I need more time, but like the lesson from my brother's plaque, you don't know what you can do if you don't try.

1.26.2009

love and trust

A week ago Devin was goofing around at the table during lunch and he flipped over his chair. Luckily he was fine, but he cracked the one of the spindles on the back of the chair. Andy and I were more concerned that he was okay, and neither of us yelled at him. We didn't need to. Devin was so devastated that he broke the chair that he cried multiple times during lunch.
Later that day I was getting ready to go out when Devin came into the bathroom and asked me if I still loved him even though he broke the chair. I was a little surprised at his question, and knew I needed to give it my full attention. I turned off my hair dryer and got down on my knees to look him in the eyes when I said, "Oh Devin, I will always love you. There is nothing that you can do that will ever make me stop loving you. Even when you make me angry I still love you."

And then I took it a step further. I thought about something that I learned in a training session about preventing child abuse; abusers will tell kids that they shouldn't tell their parents about what transpired because their parents won't love them anymore. So I told Devin that no matter what anyone said or did I would always love him. In a way I'm a little mad that this sweet moment with my little boy questioning how love works was, for me, tainted by something ugly, but I felt like I had to use this opportunity while I had his attention. Child sexual abuse is something that terrifies me. To volunteer in the Charlotte area Catholic schools or the church you need to take a training course on child sexual abuse and part of the course includes interviews with two sexual predators who talk about grooming their target victims (and the victims families) to build trust. It's horrifying. While we certainly learned some of the warning signs of abuse and some ideas about preventing it, the best defense that they articulated was communication; when a child thought something strange or inappropriate was happening and told their parents about it before it got to the point of abuse. So here I am, with my five and a half year old boy, trying to build his confidence that he can truly tell me anything.

Yesterday Devin and I were at the baptism of our friends daughter (while Andy was managing nap time for Alex and Isabel) and Devin kept wiggling and talking in church. After the hand signals failed me, I gave him my best 'You're Gonna Get It Mister' glare and motioned again for him to be quiet. When there was a break in the service Devin leaned over and whispered to me, "Mom, you'll always love me, right?" I chuckled, kissed him on the head and whispered, "Yes, Devin. I will always love you."

1.14.2009

Alex

Alex, oh Alex. I love Alex. To be honest, I adore Alex. He has such a big, fun personality and he's hilarious. He really is. I'm probably too soft on him because I have such a sweet spot for him. Therefore, it's my own doing when he doesn't listen to me. I know this, and I am working pretty hard to change it.
Today when I picked Alex up from school (wearing his winter hat in a way that made his ears stick out), he literally jumped up and down when he saw me. Isabel was asleep in the car, and Alex climbed into his seat and pretended to sleep immediately. So he's sitting there with his eyes closed and a big smile on his face (because he thinks he's pulling one over on me) as I talked to Reid, the little boy we carpool with. Alex suddenly awoke when our conversation got interesting, after all he wanted to talk about the song that he sang in school today too! After we dropped Reid off, Alex got out of his car seat and into the booster that Reid was riding in, despite my telling him not to. I scolded him, but didn't yell because Izzy was sleeping. Sometimes scolding seems effective, and I think that he genuinely wants to be a good boy, but today he wasn't too bothered by what I was saying. We pulled into the garage and immediately Alex was out of his seat and Isabel was awake. I asked him if he woke her up (a major no-no) and he denied it. I asked if he was lying and he said he wasn't. I made him look me in the eyes and answer me. And I had no idea if he told me the truth, and no proof either way. In reality, she would have woken up shortly because the car wasn't moving, but I really wanted to know if he was being honest and I was really frustrated. Alex knew I was angry and he cried.
So we made our way into the house; Alex insisting that he didn't lie and he didn't wake Isabel, me frustrated that I didn't know if I was letting him get away with naughty behavior or not. Once inside, I was busy putting things away and Alex and Iz were playing. When I started to listen to what he was saying, I realized that he had just taken off Isabel's shoes and put them away, and he was in the process of putting her vest on the hook with his own. Not only had he put his things away like he's supposed to, but he also took care of his little sister.
And this is why I struggle with Alex. One minute he's being a little shit and I'm mad at him, the next he's being a total sweetheart and I just love to see that side of him.

1.09.2009

genetics

Genetic composition is a funny thing. Isabel looks just like Andy. Everyone who sees her says so, and it's true. She has his coloring without a doubt, and she already has more hair than him (hehe) but the clincher is her huge chocolate brown eyes. She is absolutely Andy's baby girl. Some people ask me if it bothers me that she doesn't resemble me, but I think she's beautiful and would change nothing about her. Well, maybe not nothing. We went for her nine month checkup this week and despite all the good news about our healthy little one, we are headed to the Ear/Nose/Throat specialist on Monday to talk about getting ear tubes for Iz. It's not a huge surprise, since Devin and I have both been through it and because she has had a bunch of ear infections, but I'm a little disappointed. My beautiful baby appears to be a genetic replica of her father. And what is my genetic contribution to this little one? The bum ears. The eustachian tubes that don't drain properly to be exact. I like to think that I have a couple characteristics that would be a real benefit to my children. Andy says he hopes they get my natural athletic ability (he's jealous that I throw a tighter spiral than him), and Devin has my coloring, which I love (side note: combine that with huge eyes like his father and he's one lucky little boy). Alex is always singing, and I like to think that I have an positive contribution there also. But Isabel, well so far she has my ears.
Let's just hope she gets my ankles too.

1.03.2009

Happy New Year!!

The funny thing about the holiday season is that no matter how fun and enjoyable it is, it's also such a time suck. Seriously. Buy presents, wrap presents, take pictures for Christmas cards, order, assemble and send Christmas cards, put up a tree; decorations; nativity scene; outside lights, hang stockings, read Christmas stories. Then add the social things, like class parties, making treats for class parties and spending time with friends and family. It's a lot. There are so many good and fun things that go into the holidays (and it truly is my favorite time of the year), but it's a lot. No wonder I haven't written in my blog since mid-November!!

This year we decided to drive to Chicago for Christmas (or rather the airlines decided when they raised airfare and started charging for every checked bag. Can you imagine how many checked bags and car seats a family of five with three small kids has?). Santa came the day before we made the trip, which was really fun. Devin was so excited that he was up at 3:10am looking down the stairs for presents under the tree. We held the boys off until about 6:30am and then the crazy shredding of wrapping paper began. They were done by the time Isabel awoke, and she had more fun trying to eat the bows than paying any attention to the presents. We spent most of the day in our jammies playing with the kids toys before we started loading up the car for our big trip. Over the mountains and through the fields (roughly 820 miles) to Grandmother's house we go.
So we loaded up a bunch of clothes, presents, books and countless snacks and left our 65 degree home at 7:30am. An hour and a half into our trip Devin vomited in his seat. I think it's safe to say that he gets car sick. Despite our auspicious beginning (and a big laugh about seven hours into the trip when Devin casually mentioned that his seat was stinky) we made it to my parent's house in just under fourteen hours (with a negative 70 degree temperature change). We were prepared to spend the night in a motel somewhere along the way, but the boys were motivated to get to Grandma and Grandpa's house and Isabel was a dream traveller as long as she had the company of a parent in the back seat.
We had a wonderful time in Chicago. We spent almost all of our time with one family or another, and really enjoyed our visit. There were they typical scheduling issues that cropped up (and the not-so-typical plumbing issue at my parents house), and unfortunately 3/5 of the Blake family got sick, but overall it was a good visit. Devin cried profusely when we had to leave his cousins, and it served as a good reminder why we visit. Yes, it's a long drive. Yes, we often get sick while there. Yes, there are tight quarters when you add five additional people to any household. But it is also among our favorite things to do, and something that our kids always look forward to - spending time with our families.
After a week and a half, we made it back to our house at 10:30pm on New Years Eve after another 13.5 hours in the car (this time without vomit). We tucked the kids into bed, unpacked the car and collapsed on the couch in time to ring in the New Year. I think we were both asleep within an hour of the beginning of 2009, but we have all year to celebrate. In some ways I am sad that the holidays are over, but I think we are all glad to be getting back to normal. Tomorrow all the Blake boys will be off to school and work, and Isabel and I will be running errands and getting the house back in shape (hopefully). Not particularly exciting, but sometimes the normal routine is a good thing.

Peace and happiness to all in the new year.