Suggestive

A note came home from school yesterday that Alex got in trouble at lunch time for getting out of his chair and dancing. I accept and understand that. You aren’t in the lunch room to dance, you are there to eat. But the note went on to say that his dancing was very “suggestive”. Really?!?! Suggestive of what? Suggestive of the fact that he could use a few dance lessons?

Alex is five years old. Clearly you don’t mean “suggestive” in a risqué, burlesque sort of way. After all, for a dance to be “suggestive”, doesn’t the dancer need to know something about what it is that they are in fact suggesting? I’m half tempted to go to school and ask the lunch monitor what she is suggesting about my five year old. I know that Alex is a ladies’ man and has been kissed by a few girls in kindergarten. Really, do we need to see everything that these kids do through our sanctimonious, politically correct lenses?

I know the dance that Alex did in the lunchroom. I have seen it. He holds his hands out a little bit to the sides and rocks his hips like he’s doing the hula hoop. Maybe it would be suggestive if he grabbed one of those little tarts who kissed him and pulled her in close while dancing, but he didn’t. Maybe he should save that for first grade. We don’t want them to grow up too fast.

I’m just glad he didn’t slap his ass while he was dancing so suggestively in the lunch room. See, he has also done the ass-slap at home and I told him to stop because it wasn’t nice. We have some standards, after all.