Advice from the Mother of Boys

When you see the sales at Target for sweat pants, warm-ups and etc for $5.00, buy multiples in current and future sizes.  The rate in which your boys will destroy their pants, once they discover the joys of football, baseball, soccer, dodge ball, kickball, etc, is truly mind-blowing.  The same goes for gym shoes, although those are more difficult to purchase in advance.  Trust me, I've tried.

Yoga: it's not for the weak.

I have taken yoga on and off for fifteen years, but I was never very into it.  I was always pretty decent at doing poses because I am very flexible and reasonably strong, but I never left class feeling like I had a tough workout.  I wasn't consistent in practicing yoga until last fall.  Because of my hip issues and running, I decided to try a yoga class at the Y.  Lucky for me, there was a Monday morning power yoga class being offered, which was a perfect recovery from a long run over the weekend.  I started going a few times a month and found that this class made me work hard.  The teacher did a great job of demonstrating poses and giving lots of options to advance your poses.  Before long I was doing things like Bird of Paradise (although I am still working on raising my leg that high).  What this picture fails to show you is that her hands are clasped behind her hip.  Impressive.



Bird of Paradise Pose

 All the while, I felt like I was really loosening up my joints and getting great stretches after these long runs.  Next I mastered Scales pose (or Swing pose - although I have to do it on blocks because I don't quite have the ab strength of this fine young man. =) Give me time.).


Scales/Swing Pose



But today was something truly remarkable.  I have tried Crow pose for a months, but could never manage to balance.  A few weeks ago I did it for about three seconds.  Today I held Crow for more than twenty seconds three different times. 


Crow Pose


I cannot tell you how excited I am to see the progress that I am making in yoga.  Unlike my previous perception, now I can see how yoga really can be a tough workout. I leave the class sweaty and fatigued, and today, a little bit proud.

My amazing pizza

We all know that Andy is the chef in the family.  The fact that I am a decent cook pales in comparison to the culinary skills wielded by my other half.  However today I made the most amazing (and healthy) pizza for lunch.  At lunchtime I am usually one to heat up leftovers or a can of soup because I just want to eat quickly and go, but today I actually looked around a decided to be a bit creative.
I found a flat bread that we had not used for curry last night and topped that with some pesto (a new constant in our fridge).  Then I stole some cherry tomatoes from Isabel and cut them into small pieces.  I guess regular tomatoes could have worked, but the cherry ones are a little sweeter and I like them.  Next I found some fresh mozarella that we had and almost shaved it (as best you can with such a soft cheese) randomly on the flatbread.  I toasted the whole thing in our toaster oven and topped it all with a generous postion of arugula.  The sweet of the tomato and the basil/garlic of the pesto and the peppery arugula... it was heavenly.
I should have taken a picture to post..  It was that good!

One can dream...

We all have those moments that catch us off-guard; when we look in the mirror and don't quite grasp what we are seeing.  For some it's the grey hair, for others the bulges in places previously firm.  For me, it's the fine (and sometime more substantial) lines in my skin.  I understand it.  I spent years in the sun between swimming and life guarding and sunscreen was something we only used in the first month of summer.  I admit to being a sun worshipper, and even donned the baby oil to ensure that I browned up nicely on vacation and in the summertime.  I even worked at a tanning salon one winter, where the owners would actually advise me to use the tanning booths more, because I wasn't tan enough to be a good advertisement for them.  I have earned this skin, but it still surprises me. 
Then I remember, I am thirty-eight years old.  By my previous standards, I am pretty damn old.  I remember people older and wiser than I talking about this phenomenon; about not feeling as old as you are.  I think that the fact that I am in far better physical shape than I was in my younger years only enhances the deception for me.  In my twenties I was twenty or thirty pounds heavier than now.  I was athletic but I also ate and drank with abandon.  Now I pay closer attention to what I consume, and working out has become more than a passing hobby.  I have achieved athletic pursuits in my thirties that I never thought possible in my twenties, and I feel great.  I feel much younger than thirty-eight, but my skin does not lie.

I was putting make-up on in my bathroom one morning with Isabel by my side, and again I noticed her gorgeous skin.  Isabel's skin is smooth and olive toned and flawless.  The only thirty-eight year-olds that I know who have skin like that are on billboards or in magazines, where women's skin resembles that of someone half their age.  I don't think I ever had skin as pretty as these women, some of them much older than me.  Did they miss out on the sun worshipping that was en vogue in 1988?  Or have they had work done to turn back the hands of time? 

I know that we women tend to be our greatest critics, and when I reflect on the changes I have made to my health and my body in the last fifteen years I am proud.  But seriously.  I just want my skin to look like Isabel's.  Is that really too much to ask?

Mother of the Year

My friends and I joke about the different actions or occurrences that inevitably will take us out of the running for the elusive "Mother of the Year" award.  I had my first one last night, when I forgot to put Devin to bed.
In my defense, it was a really busy day where I was going non-stop from the moment I dropped the boys off at school in the morning.  I had a dentist appointment and two volunteer sessions at school, which were separated by a quick workout at the gym.  Then after errands and picking the boys up at school (Izzy chose to nap in the car), I brought Alex to the hospital to have dinner with his classmate who is recovering there.  We got home at 7:30 in time for bed.  I put Alex down but let Devin stay up to read for a few minutes, which is our normal routine.  I put Izzy to bed and went down to talk to Andy.  Then I hopped online for the first time that day to catch up on things.  Andy had a conference call at 9:00 and I went up shortly thereafter to get ready to bed.  I was cuddled up in my jammies and half way through an episode of "Desperate Housewives" when Devin came in.  At first I was really confused... he did not appear to have a bloody nose and he wasn't vomiting, so why wasn't he sleeping?  Then he said indignantly, "Mom, you forgot to put me to bed!". 
It was 9:45pm, and I put myself to bed before my seven-year-old.

efficient

My text to Andy at 11:54am:
"So far I have been to the gas station, library, gym to drop Izzy off, wax, coffee, three stores, post office, restaurant and now I'm back to the gym to work out before getting Izzy."

For the record, I left the house at 9:30am.

words of wisdom

As I was making breakfast this morning...

Isabel: "The boy next to me put raisins in his nose and I said, 'Silly Buddy, don't put raisins in your nose, put them in your mouth!'"
Me (laughing): "Where did that happen?"
Isabel: "At the kids (meaning the child care at the gym).  He didn't put any more in his nose."
Me: "Who was the boy?"
Isabel: "I don't know his name.  He's the boy with raisins in his nose."

Another mother's moment to be proud.

la bruja

Alex's classroom teacher told me that Alex saw the Spanish teacher in the hallway and called out "bruja" to her three times.  For those of you uneducated by Dora the Explorer, "bruja" means "witch". 
When I talked to Alex about this, I asked him if he knew what "bruja" meant and he hold me the correct answer.  Then I asked him if he thought Sra. Maestra was a witch.  He looked at me like I was crazy and said "no".  Then I asked him if he thought that Sra. Maestra liked being called a witch, and the lightbulb seemed to go on.  He said "no".  He likes Sra. Maestra and did not like the idea that he might have hurt her feelings or made her mad.  I don't know Sra. Maestra well, so I really have no gauge for her perspective.  I don't know if she thinks that my five year old was showing off his recently acquired Spanish vocabulary, or if she thinks that he was intentionally calling her a witch.
The newest Spanish that Alex has added to his growing vocabulary is "Lo siento".  I have a feeling that he will use that well throughout his life time. 
...er, at least as well as "bruja".

Uno

During our at-home New Years celebration, we introduced the kids to the card game Uno.  We wanted to do a family game night that did not include electronics, but was interesting, fun and simple enough for all to enjoy.  The game Uno fit the bill and we had a grand time.  The boys loved it.  Isabel humored us by playing with the cards and sitting in Andy's lap, but clearly she has some growing to do before this kind of game holds her interest.  Alex was a big winner that night, and Andy and I each managed to win a game, but Devin was not so lucky.  The next night the boys and I played again (at their request/insistence) and Alex was again a big winner.  I also managed to win a couple games, at which time Alex would whine or even cry, but Devin was again unlucky. 
But Devin didn't cry.  He didn't win, and he didn't cry or whine.  Devin was clearly unhappy, but for the first time that I can recall he lost well.  Devin is the most competitive child I know and he's a little quick to tears, so frequently any kind of loss for him is followed by crying.  But two nights in a row he lost game after game without tears.  This is huge for him.  I told Devin that I was proud of him for being a good sport and for handling his loss so well.  It's only a silly card game with his family, but I am seriously proud of him. 
This is just one example of many that demonstrates to me that my little Devin really is starting to become a big kid.

Happy Holidays

Our holidays included an early visit from Santa...



... and a trip to Chicago to celebrate Christmas with the family.

It truly was the most wonderful time of the year.



7:00am conversation

(...scene opens with Meaghan wiping a toddler's bum while Andy dresses near the sink...)

Andy: "Are you going to wash whites anytime soon?"
Me: "They are in the dryer, if you want to fold them."
Andy: "No thanks."

(...Andy exits...)

I guess sometimes my perfect husband who totally spoils me can be a "stereotypical guy" just like the rest of them...

Thunder Road again

I ran the Thunder Road half marathon again this year.  It was my third half marathon, and my second foray into the crazy hilly race that is Thunder Road.  But this was also a huge departure for me in terms of race preparation.  Typically the anal/neurotic part of me takes over when it comes to race prep, and I follow a specific training plan, log every workout and pay close attention to my pace, heart rate and recovery.  This time I just ran.  I still ran three times per week and I still did speed work, tempo runs and long runs, but I followed no plan.  I did most of my long runs with friends and just went the distance and pace that they wanted to go (except at the end, when I reserved the right to push it...).  Most of my tempo runs were driven by the amount of time I had to run before I had to do something else, and I typically made up my speed work runs while on the treadmill.  In my mind, this was the non-committal race.  I signed up, but I had not committed myself to racing. 
To be honest, it is really hard to focus on training during the holidays.  While that is the time that we all need a lot of incentive to ensure that we make it to the gym... it's also a time when there is so much going on that training has to take a back seat.  A few days before the race it dawned on me that I was running a half marathon shortly, and I frankly was not excited.  I didn't really want to do it.  I was getting a cold, and I felt lousy.  It was a really busy time with the kids and Andy's work (so he wasn't home much) and I was just not into it.  Plus, last year I ran with a friend for the entire race, and saw a bunch of other friends before, after and along the way.  This year I was running alone. 
I ran Thunder Road at 2:09:49 last year, and Virginia Beach at 2:04:05 over Labor day.  Thunder Road is a much hillier course, so I thought I would go slower than VA Beach, but faster than last year.  I set my goal at 2:06 for the race.  The morning was cold, but warmer than last year and I felt good running.  Except on the hills; I cursed myself for not running more hills during training at least ten times during the race.  But I felt really good, and when I crossed the 10k clock at 57 minutes, I knew I was on pace to hit 2:04 again.  2:04 at Thunder Road - the crazy hilly course!  I decided to try to keep my pace up so I could make it, and at every mile I checked my pace to see if I was still well under ten minute miles.  It was hard.  The hills were hard.  When I hit the water station at mile eleven, going uphill again, I walked for a few seconds while I downed the water.  But overall my pace was great.  I knew I was going to beat my time for VA Beach.  I hit mile twelve, where I would typically start to pick up my pace, but I had nothing.  Mile 12.5 and I still could not move any faster.  I managed to push the legs a little faster when I finally saw the 'finish' banner and crossed at 2:03:03. My fastest 13.1 mile race yet.

2:03:03!!



my three babies

Tonight I was singing to Alex before he went to bed, and I sang this song to him, which I used to sing to him quite a lot when he was a baby.  It's really rather melancholy, but despite my joy at welcoming Alex, much of his infancy was desperately sad.  Brianna died when Alex was five weeks old.  I remember being up with him at night with him and the tears would slip down onto him while he nursed. 
But to me this song is also about the unconditional love of a mother for her children.

three babies
each of these
my three babies
I will carry with me
for myself
I ask no one else will be
mother to these three
and of course
I'm like a wild horse
but there's no other way I could be
water + feed
are not tools that I need
for the thing that I've chosen to be

in my soul
my blood + my bones
I have wrapped your cold bodies around me
the face on you
the smell of you
will always be with me

each of these
my three babies
I was not willing to leave
though I tried
I blasphemed + denied
I know they will be returned to me

each of these
my babies
have brought you closer to me
no longer mad like a horse
I'm still wild but not lost
from the thing that I've chosen to be
and it's 'cos you've thrilled me
silenced me
stilled me
proved things I never believed
the face on you
the smell of you
will always be with me.

              -Sinéad O'Connor

christmas card 2010

Snow Kiss Green Christmas

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Getting three little kids to sit still, look at the camera and smile for a Christmas card picture is nearly impossible.  Here's to a little laughter along the way...

Naughty List

Devin is preparing for his first reconciliation at church.  This is a big deal, since it is really the first sacrament in which he is a cognizant and willing participant.  Since he goes to a Catholic school, most of his preparation for reconciliation (or confession, for those non-Catholics) is done at school.  We did some work at home, and I wasn't sure how much he was really understood and reflected on this until we were on our way to the reconciliation retreat. We were in the car on the way there when Devin suddenly told me that he thinks I'm not on the Naughty List.  After I nearly spit coffee through my nose, I asked him why he thought that I wasn't on the Naughty List.  He said because I do lots of things for other people and I never bully anyone (side note: thanks for noticing Dev!).  Then I asked him if he thought he was on the Naughty List, and he said in a soft and serious voice, "I don't know."

It is quite timely that these little kids start learning about examining their consciences and admitting their sins right around the time that they are thinking about presents and Santa and Naughty Lists.  I remember being terrified at my first confession (and my second, and my third and my...) that the priest would think I was such a bad person for the things I did.  I had the usual things to report; fought with my siblings, disobeyed my parents, told a lie.  But I hated (er.. hate) to admit when I did something wrong and it just seemed so painful to bring it up again.  Then when we were in line for confession if another kid took a longer time talking to the priest, we would all think s/he was soooo bad.  I always hoped for short little conversations and never wanted to go face to face with a priest when admitting all my naughtiness.

Devin asked me what it's like going to confession, and I told him that I was always a little nervous beforehand (huge understatement), but that I always felt better after.  I also told him that I'm pretty sure he won't make the Naughty List either.

stressed about school? I don't even go to school...

I admit it: I was really pretty stressed out at the prospect of parent-teacher conferences.  To be specific, I was worried about our Kindergarten conference.  Our second grade conference for Devin was not concerning to me because the teacher and I have had some good conversations this year.  I am comfortable with her and I know that Devin is doing well.  He certainly has some areas for improvement, but overall he's great. 
However, the prospect of Alex's conference had me anxious.  There were a number of things to cover; both behavioral and academic.  Plus, my interaction with Alex's teacher has been more limited.  Most of our communication was through notes, while our face-to-face conversations were brief and at times abrupt.  Then I thought, "Was she short because of limited time or was she angry with something? Does she not like my child?  Is she mean?".  Going into this conference, I felt much less comfortable.  In my defense, Alex has given me reason to be nervous.  His report card had a few more "Needs Improvement" marks in the behavior section than I had expected.  He can be the most thoughtful and courteous boy, and he can also be insolent and willful.  Alex's behavior reminds me of the nursery rhyme:

There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead;

When she was good, she was very, very good,

And when she was bad she was horrid.

Plus, based on the school work coming home, I knew that Alex was not being challenged academically in school.  We chose to send him to this school rather than to the gifted academy in part because we wanted him to have a well-rounded experience and that certainly includes learning how to follow rules and respectfully function and socialize in a class of twenty-five of his peers.  I knew that he would not be challenged initially because of the focus on rules and the adjustment to Kindergarten, but I was not confident that his teacher really knew the extent of his capabilities.  Heck, I'm not sure that I know the extent of his capabilities, but I know that a kid who can read number like 2051 correctly and who can do basic addition and subtraction in his head may not find worksheets where you connect the dots from the numbers one to five to be interesting work.  So I was pretty tense about the conference. 

But the meeting was good.  One of the first things that she told us was that overall he has improved significantly since the report card was written and that she is proud of him.  She said that he is behaving well in class and that he struggles more with unstructured times like when they are at recess or are walking to another building for an activity.  She absolutely raved about his school work and said that he was doing really great.  I left the conference feeling that Alex's teacher understands and likes Alex, and that Alex is making huge improvements in 'softer skills' where he needed to grow.  But I am still not sure that he is being challenged, and this is where I struggle.  Is it enough that he is happy going to school and he's growing socially even though he's not working to his academic potential?  Should we even be concerned about how much he's really being challenged since this is just Kindergarten? 
There was a day recently when Alex had his name read during the school announcements.  It was "Thankful Thursday" and Alex's teacher said that she was thankful for Alex because he really helped her clean up the classroom.  He was so thrilled that later he told us it was the best day of his life.  Of  His  Life. 
Maybe we should just sit back and let Alex and his teacher continue down this path.  They seem to be doing well so far...

mmmm.... cinnamon bread

After my speed work run today (half mile sprints in under four minutes followed by quarter mile easy jog), I was starving and I remembered that there is a really good bakery nearby.  I stopped by Great Harvest in search of a good chicken salad sandwich on some grainy bread.  Man did they deliver.  While there, I decided to pick up some bread for the family, and noticed that they had cinnamon chip bread that was fresh out of the oven.  It smelled fabulous, so I picked some up.  It was delicious.  I heated some up for the boys after school and they scarfed it down and asked for more.  No requests for butter either (which is a shock for Devin, really). 

Then after dinner tonight Devin asks for the cinnamon bread for dessert.  Forget the Halloween candy, he wants the bread. For dessert.  I can't say that I blame him though.  The whole kitchen smells amazing...

Happy Halloween!!!

We had a great Halloween weekend!  Between all the festivities at school, Halloween parties and six-year-old birthday parties, the Blake family managed to go to five parties in three days, play two soccer games, run 10 miles, cycle 14 miles, carve pumpkins and potty train.  Yes, we can do it all... sometimes. 

mind your manners

Yesterday all three kiddos were coloring at the kitchen table.  Devin asked Alex for a brown crayon, and Alex said, "What do you say?".  I had to laugh.  I know that they mimic what they hear, but it still surprised me to hear my five-year-old demanding good manners from my seven-year-old. 

the sneak

In an email exchange with Devin's teacher, she mentioned that he is having trouble following directions and staying on task during the school day.  She said that the kids are allowed to read when they complete their work, but that Devin is slow to put his books away and join what the rest of the class is doing, so he often starts lessons behind the rest of the kids.  My first thought was that we were heading down the "occupational therapist" path to determine if there are attention, fine motor or sensory issues to consider.  So I emailed her some questions.  I asked her if Devin's behavior was impacting his school work; if she thought his behavior was "typical" for a second grade boy and if she had any suggestions as to how we can help him. 

Last spring Devin's first grade teacher suggested that he be evaluated by an OT because he was always wiggly in his seat, because his handwriting was awful, because he was mouthing everything (his fingernails being the first choice...) and because he needed a lot of prompting and coaching to get started on his work.  The OT suggested some things to work on over the summer and said that we should re-evaluate his progress in the fall.  Since then his handwriting has improved and he stopped chewing his nails, so I thought he had matured and grown past some of his issues.  Plus, I know he's reading at a third grade level and will often read for forty-five minutes in a single sitting.  Clearly he can focus when he wants to.

I was volunteering in second grade last week, and Devin's teacher and I had an opportunity to chat about Devin.  She said that she thinks his behavior is impacting his work at times because he starts assignments after everyone else and is rushing to complete his work with the rest of the kids.  She also said that this behavior is typical for a kid Dev's age, but that he is doing it a lot more than most kids.  For instance, there were a number of times when the class would be reviewing and correcting their work, and Devin would sit at his desk (in the front row) and be reading from a book in his lap or playing with the items on his desk. 
Luckily his teacher and I are on the same page about leveraging extra therapies for potential attention issues (slow to get into the extra therapies), and we said that we would continue to talk to him about following directions and staying on task with the class while at school.  I completely agree that he needs to participate in these activities and follow directions, and I am thrilled that his teacher realizes that he may get past this with our encouragement and his own maturity.

Leave it to my kid to get busted for sneaking a book in school.