Thunder Road again

I ran the Thunder Road half marathon again this year.  It was my third half marathon, and my second foray into the crazy hilly race that is Thunder Road.  But this was also a huge departure for me in terms of race preparation.  Typically the anal/neurotic part of me takes over when it comes to race prep, and I follow a specific training plan, log every workout and pay close attention to my pace, heart rate and recovery.  This time I just ran.  I still ran three times per week and I still did speed work, tempo runs and long runs, but I followed no plan.  I did most of my long runs with friends and just went the distance and pace that they wanted to go (except at the end, when I reserved the right to push it...).  Most of my tempo runs were driven by the amount of time I had to run before I had to do something else, and I typically made up my speed work runs while on the treadmill.  In my mind, this was the non-committal race.  I signed up, but I had not committed myself to racing. 
To be honest, it is really hard to focus on training during the holidays.  While that is the time that we all need a lot of incentive to ensure that we make it to the gym... it's also a time when there is so much going on that training has to take a back seat.  A few days before the race it dawned on me that I was running a half marathon shortly, and I frankly was not excited.  I didn't really want to do it.  I was getting a cold, and I felt lousy.  It was a really busy time with the kids and Andy's work (so he wasn't home much) and I was just not into it.  Plus, last year I ran with a friend for the entire race, and saw a bunch of other friends before, after and along the way.  This year I was running alone. 
I ran Thunder Road at 2:09:49 last year, and Virginia Beach at 2:04:05 over Labor day.  Thunder Road is a much hillier course, so I thought I would go slower than VA Beach, but faster than last year.  I set my goal at 2:06 for the race.  The morning was cold, but warmer than last year and I felt good running.  Except on the hills; I cursed myself for not running more hills during training at least ten times during the race.  But I felt really good, and when I crossed the 10k clock at 57 minutes, I knew I was on pace to hit 2:04 again.  2:04 at Thunder Road - the crazy hilly course!  I decided to try to keep my pace up so I could make it, and at every mile I checked my pace to see if I was still well under ten minute miles.  It was hard.  The hills were hard.  When I hit the water station at mile eleven, going uphill again, I walked for a few seconds while I downed the water.  But overall my pace was great.  I knew I was going to beat my time for VA Beach.  I hit mile twelve, where I would typically start to pick up my pace, but I had nothing.  Mile 12.5 and I still could not move any faster.  I managed to push the legs a little faster when I finally saw the 'finish' banner and crossed at 2:03:03. My fastest 13.1 mile race yet.

2:03:03!!



my three babies

Tonight I was singing to Alex before he went to bed, and I sang this song to him, which I used to sing to him quite a lot when he was a baby.  It's really rather melancholy, but despite my joy at welcoming Alex, much of his infancy was desperately sad.  Brianna died when Alex was five weeks old.  I remember being up with him at night with him and the tears would slip down onto him while he nursed. 
But to me this song is also about the unconditional love of a mother for her children.

three babies
each of these
my three babies
I will carry with me
for myself
I ask no one else will be
mother to these three
and of course
I'm like a wild horse
but there's no other way I could be
water + feed
are not tools that I need
for the thing that I've chosen to be

in my soul
my blood + my bones
I have wrapped your cold bodies around me
the face on you
the smell of you
will always be with me

each of these
my three babies
I was not willing to leave
though I tried
I blasphemed + denied
I know they will be returned to me

each of these
my babies
have brought you closer to me
no longer mad like a horse
I'm still wild but not lost
from the thing that I've chosen to be
and it's 'cos you've thrilled me
silenced me
stilled me
proved things I never believed
the face on you
the smell of you
will always be with me.

              -Sinéad O'Connor

christmas card 2010

Snow Kiss Green Christmas

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Getting three little kids to sit still, look at the camera and smile for a Christmas card picture is nearly impossible.  Here's to a little laughter along the way...

Naughty List

Devin is preparing for his first reconciliation at church.  This is a big deal, since it is really the first sacrament in which he is a cognizant and willing participant.  Since he goes to a Catholic school, most of his preparation for reconciliation (or confession, for those non-Catholics) is done at school.  We did some work at home, and I wasn't sure how much he was really understood and reflected on this until we were on our way to the reconciliation retreat. We were in the car on the way there when Devin suddenly told me that he thinks I'm not on the Naughty List.  After I nearly spit coffee through my nose, I asked him why he thought that I wasn't on the Naughty List.  He said because I do lots of things for other people and I never bully anyone (side note: thanks for noticing Dev!).  Then I asked him if he thought he was on the Naughty List, and he said in a soft and serious voice, "I don't know."

It is quite timely that these little kids start learning about examining their consciences and admitting their sins right around the time that they are thinking about presents and Santa and Naughty Lists.  I remember being terrified at my first confession (and my second, and my third and my...) that the priest would think I was such a bad person for the things I did.  I had the usual things to report; fought with my siblings, disobeyed my parents, told a lie.  But I hated (er.. hate) to admit when I did something wrong and it just seemed so painful to bring it up again.  Then when we were in line for confession if another kid took a longer time talking to the priest, we would all think s/he was soooo bad.  I always hoped for short little conversations and never wanted to go face to face with a priest when admitting all my naughtiness.

Devin asked me what it's like going to confession, and I told him that I was always a little nervous beforehand (huge understatement), but that I always felt better after.  I also told him that I'm pretty sure he won't make the Naughty List either.

stressed about school? I don't even go to school...

I admit it: I was really pretty stressed out at the prospect of parent-teacher conferences.  To be specific, I was worried about our Kindergarten conference.  Our second grade conference for Devin was not concerning to me because the teacher and I have had some good conversations this year.  I am comfortable with her and I know that Devin is doing well.  He certainly has some areas for improvement, but overall he's great. 
However, the prospect of Alex's conference had me anxious.  There were a number of things to cover; both behavioral and academic.  Plus, my interaction with Alex's teacher has been more limited.  Most of our communication was through notes, while our face-to-face conversations were brief and at times abrupt.  Then I thought, "Was she short because of limited time or was she angry with something? Does she not like my child?  Is she mean?".  Going into this conference, I felt much less comfortable.  In my defense, Alex has given me reason to be nervous.  His report card had a few more "Needs Improvement" marks in the behavior section than I had expected.  He can be the most thoughtful and courteous boy, and he can also be insolent and willful.  Alex's behavior reminds me of the nursery rhyme:

There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead;

When she was good, she was very, very good,

And when she was bad she was horrid.

Plus, based on the school work coming home, I knew that Alex was not being challenged academically in school.  We chose to send him to this school rather than to the gifted academy in part because we wanted him to have a well-rounded experience and that certainly includes learning how to follow rules and respectfully function and socialize in a class of twenty-five of his peers.  I knew that he would not be challenged initially because of the focus on rules and the adjustment to Kindergarten, but I was not confident that his teacher really knew the extent of his capabilities.  Heck, I'm not sure that I know the extent of his capabilities, but I know that a kid who can read number like 2051 correctly and who can do basic addition and subtraction in his head may not find worksheets where you connect the dots from the numbers one to five to be interesting work.  So I was pretty tense about the conference. 

But the meeting was good.  One of the first things that she told us was that overall he has improved significantly since the report card was written and that she is proud of him.  She said that he is behaving well in class and that he struggles more with unstructured times like when they are at recess or are walking to another building for an activity.  She absolutely raved about his school work and said that he was doing really great.  I left the conference feeling that Alex's teacher understands and likes Alex, and that Alex is making huge improvements in 'softer skills' where he needed to grow.  But I am still not sure that he is being challenged, and this is where I struggle.  Is it enough that he is happy going to school and he's growing socially even though he's not working to his academic potential?  Should we even be concerned about how much he's really being challenged since this is just Kindergarten? 
There was a day recently when Alex had his name read during the school announcements.  It was "Thankful Thursday" and Alex's teacher said that she was thankful for Alex because he really helped her clean up the classroom.  He was so thrilled that later he told us it was the best day of his life.  Of  His  Life. 
Maybe we should just sit back and let Alex and his teacher continue down this path.  They seem to be doing well so far...

mmmm.... cinnamon bread

After my speed work run today (half mile sprints in under four minutes followed by quarter mile easy jog), I was starving and I remembered that there is a really good bakery nearby.  I stopped by Great Harvest in search of a good chicken salad sandwich on some grainy bread.  Man did they deliver.  While there, I decided to pick up some bread for the family, and noticed that they had cinnamon chip bread that was fresh out of the oven.  It smelled fabulous, so I picked some up.  It was delicious.  I heated some up for the boys after school and they scarfed it down and asked for more.  No requests for butter either (which is a shock for Devin, really). 

Then after dinner tonight Devin asks for the cinnamon bread for dessert.  Forget the Halloween candy, he wants the bread. For dessert.  I can't say that I blame him though.  The whole kitchen smells amazing...

Happy Halloween!!!

We had a great Halloween weekend!  Between all the festivities at school, Halloween parties and six-year-old birthday parties, the Blake family managed to go to five parties in three days, play two soccer games, run 10 miles, cycle 14 miles, carve pumpkins and potty train.  Yes, we can do it all... sometimes. 

mind your manners

Yesterday all three kiddos were coloring at the kitchen table.  Devin asked Alex for a brown crayon, and Alex said, "What do you say?".  I had to laugh.  I know that they mimic what they hear, but it still surprised me to hear my five-year-old demanding good manners from my seven-year-old. 

the sneak

In an email exchange with Devin's teacher, she mentioned that he is having trouble following directions and staying on task during the school day.  She said that the kids are allowed to read when they complete their work, but that Devin is slow to put his books away and join what the rest of the class is doing, so he often starts lessons behind the rest of the kids.  My first thought was that we were heading down the "occupational therapist" path to determine if there are attention, fine motor or sensory issues to consider.  So I emailed her some questions.  I asked her if Devin's behavior was impacting his school work; if she thought his behavior was "typical" for a second grade boy and if she had any suggestions as to how we can help him. 

Last spring Devin's first grade teacher suggested that he be evaluated by an OT because he was always wiggly in his seat, because his handwriting was awful, because he was mouthing everything (his fingernails being the first choice...) and because he needed a lot of prompting and coaching to get started on his work.  The OT suggested some things to work on over the summer and said that we should re-evaluate his progress in the fall.  Since then his handwriting has improved and he stopped chewing his nails, so I thought he had matured and grown past some of his issues.  Plus, I know he's reading at a third grade level and will often read for forty-five minutes in a single sitting.  Clearly he can focus when he wants to.

I was volunteering in second grade last week, and Devin's teacher and I had an opportunity to chat about Devin.  She said that she thinks his behavior is impacting his work at times because he starts assignments after everyone else and is rushing to complete his work with the rest of the kids.  She also said that this behavior is typical for a kid Dev's age, but that he is doing it a lot more than most kids.  For instance, there were a number of times when the class would be reviewing and correcting their work, and Devin would sit at his desk (in the front row) and be reading from a book in his lap or playing with the items on his desk. 
Luckily his teacher and I are on the same page about leveraging extra therapies for potential attention issues (slow to get into the extra therapies), and we said that we would continue to talk to him about following directions and staying on task with the class while at school.  I completely agree that he needs to participate in these activities and follow directions, and I am thrilled that his teacher realizes that he may get past this with our encouragement and his own maturity.

Leave it to my kid to get busted for sneaking a book in school.

triumphant at last

Lately my runs have been mediocre at best.  I have gone into them a little tired, a little pressed for time, even a little hungover... and I haven't been that happy or motivated.  I think it was both a physical and a mental issue.  My injury from the USMC Mud Run certainly played a part.  At my ER visit they told me that I couldn't sweat "excessively" until the Dermabond came off my forehead, which meant no running for a couple weeks.  A couple weeks doesn't seem like much, but it is long enough that I lost my groove... until yesterday.
After dropping the boys off at school I hit the trail (for the first time in ages) where I did most of my training for the VA Beach half marathon.  The weather was cool and the sun was shining.  And for the first time in  a while, it felt really good to run.  I set out for a six mile tempo run, thinking that if I wasn't moving fast enough I would cut it short.  But I was moving just fine; faster than I expected even.  At the 3 mile turn around I was surprised both at my time and at how low my heart rate still was... so I picked it up a bit and pushed myself to a nine minute/mile pace for the last three.  Overall I did 6+ miles in 55 minutes and I felt awesome!! 
I know that not every run is going to be great, but runs like yesterday are the reason we lace up those sneakers time and again.

lulluby

Last night I was tired, so tired.  So I climbed into Alex's bed and under the covers while the kids were getting ready for bed.  Devin was in the shower and Alex was brushing his teeth.  Alex saw me and went to tell Devin that I was sleeping in his bed (his voice indicated that he thought this was really cool).  Then he came in, pulled the covers up over my arms and began to sing to me.

lulluby and good night
go to sleep my little mommy
la la la la, la la la
go to sleep my lovie mom

Does it get any better than that?

Motherhood

I came across this video and just had to share it.   

I don't know that this would have meant that much to me before I had kids.  The advice sounds good and all... but until you are facing some of the challenges that motherhood brings, it's all just rhetoric. 
The truth is that there are times when being a mom is terrifying.  There are times when you feel like you are in over your head and there are times when all you can do is worry.  There are times when you doubt yourself and your decisions.  There are times when you blame yourself for things that don't go right and there are times when you make mistakes. 
Let's face it, there is a lot at stake.  We are raising people. As parents, we are trying our best to keep them safe and healthy, but we are also trying to teach them to be kind, thoughtful and responsible people. 
The demands of motherhood are many; sleep deprivation, little time for yourself, endless demands on your patience,  constant re-negotiation of rules and boundaries as children grow.  But I think the greatest challenge comes is influencing the character of your children and in trying to help them learn to be good people.

deeee-licious!

Izzy is so much fun right now. She talks constantly and she sings constantly and bosses everyone around.  She's just hysterical. Most days she changes into a princess costume (or tutu, or cheerleader outfit) by lunchtime and insists on wearing it for the rest of the day. If anyone makes an unusual noise, like a sneeze or a burp or a hiccup, she will ask them if they are OK. Andy when Andy said his knee hurt the other day she tried to put a band-aid on him.  Yesterday we visited our friends new baby and Isabel packed up all of her binki's to give to Baby Katie (yes, we have had some sleep issues since, but we are working on it).  While we were there, Izzy sang to Katie and held her and read her books.  It was so sweet.  Now that her brother's are in school all day, Izzy and I are getting into a routine and she'll say to me, "It's just the girls.  Not the boys."  I know that this time is fleeting; I see how quickly it goes.  I know how long the school day feels when I miss my kids, and I sometimes get jealous of the teachers, for the time that they get to spend with my boys.  But for now I have Isabel all to myself.  I admit, I just love it.

What can I say? Isabel is delicious

VA Beach Half

I did it!!  I mean I freakin' rocked it!!  13.1 glorious miles in 2:04:05 and I felt awesome.  That time puts me five minutes and fourty four seconds faster than my first half marathon last December.  I am thrilled. 

Now back to the final Blake family beach vacation of 2010. 

remnants of hurricane Earl on the beach

boys playing ball



Izzy's favorite pastime - chasing birds

me & my hot husband



All smiles post-race with Mom and Dad

mmm... mmm... icecream

the storm before the hurricane

This week I felt like someone or something was conspiring against me.  See, back in May I was looking for a half-marathon to run this summer that was close to a destination that we could enjoy as a family.  I contemplated running Chicago in August, but we decided to take 1300 trips this summer and that would have interfered with one of the many.  Instead we opted for a beach weekend at the end of the summer (Labor Day) and I signed up for the Virginia Beach half marathon.  We figured it would be the last hurrah before school got serious and we were really into the swing of the school year, and we even convinced my parents to meet us there.  So I trained and trained in our record breaking hot weather and 300% humidity all summer long (and quickly realized why there were no local half marathons during the summer).
Then a few weeks ago Andy found out that he had a business meeting on the west coast this week.  He juggled his travel plans to get back late Wednesday (actually early Thursday) so we could still leave for the beach Thursday after school.  However, that left me to get two kids off to school every day for their first "real" week of school.  I know that sounds like it would be easy, since the boys were gone for seven hours each day, but easy it was not.  I still had some training to squeeze in, and I had Isabel to entertain.  Then there was the two hour eye-doctor appointment for Devin and both boys had their first soccer practice this week.  They practice on separate nights, so after a long day at school we got to spend two nights at the soccer fields instead of one.  With all three kids.  By myself. 
Oh, and I needed to do laundry and pack us all so we could leave for the beach twelve hours after Andy landed in NC.  By the end of each day we were all cranky and tired.  Now there was a category four hurricane headed to the NC and VA coast, and my excitement for this run race and beach weekend had pretty much waned.  I was exhausted, frustrated and really really grumpy. 
But then Andy made it home and I had help getting the kids off to school.  We decided not to rush off into the eye of the hurricane and chose to spend another day at home while the worst of the storm passes.  My parents came to our house to wait it out and we had a nice day together.  We packed, we played, we ate a good meal.  Tomorrow we set off to the beach.  Hopefully the hurricane will go gentle on us and all will be well when we arrive.  Sometimes a change in plans can be a good thing.

grade parent

I found out the other day that I am grade parent for both Devin and Alex this year.  At the open house last week I did sign up for both classes.  However, I told the coordinator very explicitly that they could put me where they needed me, but I only wanted one class.  Initially I was a little frustrated that I had both.  There are twenty-five kids in each class and two grade parents.  So out of the roughly fifty families that share a class with my two boys, they couldn't find three other parents to step up?  C'mon now.
But then I got to thinking, which class would I want to drop?  Alex really wants me to be his grade parent, but I really think that Devin needs me to be his grade parent.  What a lot of parents don't realize is that the grade parents really get to know the teachers well, and this is a good thing.  Plus they always are in the loop on field trips, parties and fun things.  Also, I think that when teachers know that the parents are concerned and engaged, they are more willing to give kids the benefit of the doubt and are more willing to work with the parents on issues.  My experience with Alex in preschool was such that I got to know his teachers well regardless of my volunteer efforts.  I assume that trend will continue, but I also want to help his teachers as much as I can. 
Devin is a different kid.  He can fly under the radar a bit.  He does well in school, he typically follows the rules and he's a decent kid.  If I don't engage with his teachers other ways (like volunteering), then I don't usually get to know them well.  Then working through concerns and questions is far less comfortable.  Plus, Devin volunteers virtually nothing about what he does at school.  Because of Isabel, I am pretty limited with the hours that I can spend volunteering at school... so grade parent it is.  Twice.

back to school. back to school. Back to School!!!

Can you tell we are excited in the Blake household?  From our cool new 'back to school' haircuts...

to waking up thirty minutes before the alarm (at 6:10am) on the first day of school.  These boys are ready!!

my AWESOME run

I'm not sure if it's because I finally had a great night's sleep where I woke up feeling completely rested, or if it's because I swam yesterday and really gave my legs a little recovery... but I had an AWESOME run today (yes that is CAPITAL and bold, because that is how good the run was).  Two days ago I went to the track at the crack of dawn to do sprint work and I struggled.  I did a two-mile run at 17:30 (8:45 miles) and then two one-mile runs at 8:40 before I called it quits (skipping the two half-mile sprints) and went home.  My two-mile pace was fine, but my mile pace was supposed to be 8:30 and I couldn't make it.  And I was pretty damn sure I wouldn't be able to make my half-miles at 4:05 (8:10 miles).  I was pretty bummed, but I still managed to cobble together six miles and I am finally accepting that not all runs are going to be great.

But today's run was absolutely AWESOME!  I opted for the treadmill (aka the dreadmill, considering how much I like it) and ran a warm up before starting what was going to be a three mile tempo (faster pace) run.  I started out with an 8:40 pace and felt great.  I had good music; the AC was wonderful and a mile or so in I kicked it up to 8:34.  Another mile and a half and I hit 8:27.  I felt so good I decided to add another mile and kicked it up to 8:20.  Overall I did 5.6 miles in under 50 minutes and my tempo pace for the four miles was around 8:30.  I felt like great.  I felt like I could have run another few miles at least.  I felt like a real runner.  It's for the days like today that we suffer through the tough runs.  Today I was strong.

realization

I just spent half an hour picking play-doh out of the carpet with a toothpick (well actually several toothpicks).  After that I vacuumed it up and went to work with the toothpicks again, this time on the jelly and yogurt that had hardened.  Pick.  Vacuum.  Pick.  Vacuum.  I was absolutely thrilled with the result.  Seriously.  It is official.  I am a mom who is truly pleased to clean up the various crap that my kids drop on my rug. 
I forfeit all claims on coolness.

summertime & s'mores

Summertime and s'mores.  What could be better?